Either you or someone you know has muttered to themselves the simple mantra “Forgive and Forget”. Many religious principles are founded on this ideology and share perspectives of how to be humbled by your hardships. How simple, right? To convince yourself that the people who hurt you are worthy of your forgiveness.
Its hard to consider the notion at all, when the memory penetrates your deepest levels of consciousness and slowly eats at your patience and your very being. The swelling of your frustration and your interpretation of the situation gets more analytical and intense with every passing revision. We’ve all been there. Its hard to acknowledge the situation for what it was, but that was a bitter fact and a bitter truth you’ll have to stomach. Regardless if the fight was with your siblings, your parents, your coworkers, your friends, or your lover, the steps are the same. You have to move forward.
How is it that others can move forward and not you?
Let me share with you something that will help you realize the truth. The reason why people forgive is to forget. Lets work with an example that we can all relate too. If your ex forgives you, he or she wanted to forget you, plain and simple. They essentially removed you from their lives, all the feelings, all the memories (good or bad) are a relic of something that didn’t work out. If you learn this now, you can apply this ideology to your way of life. If you harbor any resentment, any hatred, any anger, or any emotion at all, you will consistently remember that person for the rest of your life. Others can see that. Why can’t you?
Unfortunately, here is some truth. Some stories never have a proper ending and we are left forgotten— holding onto both our regret and our distorted memories. However, you must always remember that is the life you chose to live. Your actions and theirs are nothing but a clash of personalities that went south. You cannot undue the pain inflicted, but you can choose to internalize it and detach your lingering sentiments now and forever. Remember: Let your memories fade, all you have left are the lessons learned and the scars that you’ve earned.
Here’s how you can get started:
- Replay the situation in your head, what was their argument? What was yours? Were you both being stubborn and approached this interaction incorrectly?
- Find an outlet for your anger, your frustration, and your voice. Workout intensely, sing with passion, play an instrument until you hear your soul, let out any pent up emotion.
- To forgive is to forget. You’ll eventually find those who advocate never to forget what happened, even though they have forgiven their enemies. Be wary, these are the same type of people who still hold resentment in their hearts. Do not fall into this category. All memories are precious, but holding on to the bad ones lets you forget the good. Let it go.